Saying goodbye can be one of the hardest things to experience in life. Whether it is goodbye to a relationship, goodbye to family or friends travelling or living overseas, goodbye to a way of life, goodbye to one that is dying.
A week ago I had to experience this pain, the pain of having to make the decision of saying goodbye to my 11.5 year old rough collie, who was more of a teddy bear than a dog, a princess.
Four weeks ago she had been diagnosed with a tumour. Decision time .... chemo and surgery or quality of life.
Chemo and surgery only provided a success rate that was low, in this instance, as it was highly probable the cancer had spread further. Her calcium levels had also increased, an indication of the beginnings of kidney failure. And what little time this may possibly have extended her life, was not worth the risk of surgery and the suffering of post-surgery and the treatment being offered.
Or the decision of quality of the little remaining time she had.
Quality was always going to be the option, as hard as the decision was. So anti-vomiting medication injected, steroid tablets provided, a change of diet to chicken and rice (what an enjoyment this was over the option of her previous diet of highly nutritional, but boring, biscuits) and a change back to the happy, excited to see people, lets go for a walk teddy bear that she was.
Unfortunately, this change only lasted 3 weeks, however they were happy weeks. She started vomiting again, experiencing diarrhoea, her back end wobbled as she weakly tried to walk and she was heart breakingly miserable. The always forthcoming wag had disappeared from her tail.
Time to face the journey to the vet, still with an unrealistic hope, but a deeply unconscious realisation that this was going to be a goodbye, a hard goodbye.
Her calcium levels had increased. There was the option of increasing the strength of the tablets, however this would only provide an extremely short term measure and it was highly likely she would start vomiting and suffering diarrhoea again within the week. And no the vet wouldn't try to change the decision of saying goodbye if that was the option decided.
The unconscious realisation became reality.
Gently she was laid down, such a trusting dog. She always was, trusting that you could do anything to her, as if she knew it was in her best interests. Her front paw gently shaven, as the needle with the green anaesthetic was gently administered. Hugs, gentle strokes of her soft head and the last of loves provided, with quiet reassurances and heartfelt thank yous to this beautiful soul. Tears fell and emptiness began to creep in as she quietly slipped away from the suffering she had recently gone through. It was the farewell goodbye.
A week ago I had to experience this pain, the pain of having to make the decision of saying goodbye to my 11.5 year old rough collie, who was more of a teddy bear than a dog, a princess.
Four weeks ago she had been diagnosed with a tumour. Decision time .... chemo and surgery or quality of life.
Chemo and surgery only provided a success rate that was low, in this instance, as it was highly probable the cancer had spread further. Her calcium levels had also increased, an indication of the beginnings of kidney failure. And what little time this may possibly have extended her life, was not worth the risk of surgery and the suffering of post-surgery and the treatment being offered.
Or the decision of quality of the little remaining time she had.
Quality was always going to be the option, as hard as the decision was. So anti-vomiting medication injected, steroid tablets provided, a change of diet to chicken and rice (what an enjoyment this was over the option of her previous diet of highly nutritional, but boring, biscuits) and a change back to the happy, excited to see people, lets go for a walk teddy bear that she was.
Unfortunately, this change only lasted 3 weeks, however they were happy weeks. She started vomiting again, experiencing diarrhoea, her back end wobbled as she weakly tried to walk and she was heart breakingly miserable. The always forthcoming wag had disappeared from her tail.
Time to face the journey to the vet, still with an unrealistic hope, but a deeply unconscious realisation that this was going to be a goodbye, a hard goodbye.
Her calcium levels had increased. There was the option of increasing the strength of the tablets, however this would only provide an extremely short term measure and it was highly likely she would start vomiting and suffering diarrhoea again within the week. And no the vet wouldn't try to change the decision of saying goodbye if that was the option decided.
The unconscious realisation became reality.
Gently she was laid down, such a trusting dog. She always was, trusting that you could do anything to her, as if she knew it was in her best interests. Her front paw gently shaven, as the needle with the green anaesthetic was gently administered. Hugs, gentle strokes of her soft head and the last of loves provided, with quiet reassurances and heartfelt thank yous to this beautiful soul. Tears fell and emptiness began to creep in as she quietly slipped away from the suffering she had recently gone through. It was the farewell goodbye.
This was heartbreaking to read! I am a huge animal lover, and so from someone who holds regard for pets as family, I totally understand how horrible this must feel!
ReplyDeleteI'm sending good thoughts your way today.
The problem is that you barely get maybe ten to twelve years....maybe on a lucky streak...up to fourteen, and that's it. A dog or cat's stretch of life is too damn short.
ReplyDeleteThe sad thing is that we so attached now to pets...and we will all sit around for two or three months in a depression that ought to require a visit to a mental health guy. But we really don't want to admit we need that visit.
Then finally, we all end up at some place....looking at kittens or puppies, and chose to repeat this process all over again.
With out lives in places....we will see this happen around five to six times...and repeat the process over and over. It's the life we've chosen, and the best friend that we don't mention to anyone else.
Yes Ripley, however the unconditional love and devotion for those 12-14 years that is given is so worth the pain, sadness and depression that may follow when we have to say goodbye. And there are always those special memories of times spent with these special creatures that will last our life time.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a heartbreaking story. What matters here is that you had the chance to share your life with such a wonderful creature and can now treasure forever all the amazing memories of the moments you shared. Bless her little soul and I hope she is up in heaven chasing squirrels and eating delicious home cooked chicken :)
ReplyDelete