Goodbye but wahoo

Goodbye to all the Nigerian Scammers.

Goodbye to the offers of $800 / month, plus my rent paid, in exchange for two years of marriage.

Goodbye to all the females who can't read "interested in males".

Goodbye to all the creeps who can't keep their hands to themselves.

Goodbye to all the young males who, really, statistically, I could slightly, ever so possibly be your mother.

Goodbye to the requests for photo’s (yes those type) without even knowing your name.

Goodbye to all that can’t be bothered to put the slight bit of effort into your profile and expect me to be interested.

Goodbye to the Cub (well maybe… then again I might keep your number).

Goodbye to the concerns that friends / family have about my dating (or lack of), it doesn’t worry me, I have a social life, so should be no worry to you.

Goodbye to the few sincere, great guys, I hope you do find that someone special, without too may dramas along the way (oh yes they happen to guys too).

Wahoo to my wonderful, varied circles of friends and the fun times we share.

Wahoo to the wonderful gay guys I know, who I can freely hug, tease and flirt with, without it meaning anything other.

Wahoo to those I care about and are home (virtually) waiting for me when things go a bit pear shape.

Wahoo to life lessons learned (and yes the mistakes I am still likely to make).

Wahoo to all of the adventures still to be had and good times ahead.

Wahoo for having the freedom to be me.

Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye can be one of the hardest things to experience in life. Whether it is goodbye to a relationship, goodbye to family or friends travelling or living overseas, goodbye to a way of life, goodbye to one that is dying.

A week ago I had to experience this pain, the pain of having to make the decision of saying goodbye to my 11.5 year old rough collie, who was more of a teddy bear than a dog, a princess.

Four weeks ago she had been diagnosed with a tumour. Decision time .... chemo and surgery or quality of life.

Chemo and surgery only provided a success rate that was low, in this instance, as it was highly probable the cancer had spread further. Her calcium levels had also increased, an indication of the beginnings of kidney failure. And what little time this may possibly have extended her life, was not worth the risk of surgery and the suffering of post-surgery and the treatment being offered.

Or the decision of quality of the little remaining time she had.

Quality was always going to be the option, as hard as the decision was. So anti-vomiting medication injected, steroid tablets provided, a change of diet to chicken and rice (what an enjoyment this was over the option of her previous diet of highly nutritional, but boring, biscuits) and a change back to the happy, excited to see people, lets go for a walk teddy bear that she was.

Unfortunately, this change only lasted 3 weeks, however they were happy weeks. She started vomiting again, experiencing diarrhoea, her back end wobbled as she weakly tried to walk and she was heart breakingly miserable. The always forthcoming wag had disappeared from her tail.

Time to face the journey to the vet, still with an unrealistic hope, but a deeply unconscious realisation that this was going to be a goodbye, a hard goodbye.

Her calcium levels had increased. There was the option of increasing the strength of the tablets, however this would only provide an extremely short term measure and it was highly likely she would start vomiting and suffering diarrhoea again within the week. And no the vet wouldn't try to change the decision of saying goodbye if that was the option decided.

The unconscious realisation became reality.

Gently she was laid down, such a trusting dog. She always was, trusting that you could do anything to her, as if she knew it was in her best interests. Her front paw gently shaven, as the needle with the green anaesthetic was gently administered. Hugs, gentle strokes of her soft head and the last of loves provided, with quiet reassurances and heartfelt thank yous to this beautiful soul. Tears fell and emptiness began to creep in as she quietly slipped away from the suffering she had recently gone through. It was the farewell goodbye.